VMAs

MTV, how could you let us down, again? I understand the trend to create “original” programming. I understand that a raw stage and raw production are in-vogue these days. But the VMAs came across totally half-assed. It was as if the job of directing the annual awards show was handed off to a recent high school grad, who was a “visionary” according to his peers. Not only did the host’s jokes fall flat, but the entire show fell short of entertainment. Like a horrendous car accident, you want to look away, but still thousands of people rubber neck, leering at the tragedy unfolding.

MTV decided to have a brand new theme for their Video Music Awards this year. They featured the biggest losers they could find, and shunned true talent. Brittany Spears opened the show, recovering from a year long downward spiral. A coveted responsibility like opening the only music video awards show was given to someone who couldn’t care less. An appropriate title would have been the half-ass awards, hosted by the biggest loser of them all, Russell Brand.

The cracked out Jack Sparrow paraded around the stage spewing rubbish about Americans and their choices. This is a man who dressed up like Osama the day following the 9/11 attacks. A man who boasts about his drug addictions. A man, if you could call him that, with little education, and little comedic talent. Of course everyone should be allowed their opinions, but consider the venue, and the fact that a very impressionable audience was tuned in. His oration on our president of eight years, and frequent degradation of promise rings, and a moral group of teenagers lacked any comedic value. (Props to Jordan Sparks for standing up for the morally conscious.) Furthermore, what experiences has he had that could possibly warrant the opinion? Visiting the U.S. to smoke some crack doesn’t make you an expert on American culture, nor does it qualify him to comment on our politics.

Not only did MTV fail to creatively choose a host with charisma, they failed to produce entertaining musical acts during the show. Rather, they chose to feature real talent during the commercial breaks. We got only a snipet of talent like LL Cool J, and Lupe Fiasco. Sure Rihanna had her moments, but I certainly wasn’t enthused to see child stars Jonas Brother strumming their banjos on Sesame Street. I almost don’t want to mention Lil Wannabee, I mean Wayne. Seeing a rapper’s boxers are nothing new, and neither was not being able to understand him. I will point out that he was not worthy of Phelps introduction. Being one of the most decorated Olympiads should get you more then Lil’ Wayne. But more on that later. Paramore performed well, however I could have done without Brand’s “foreshadowing” their entrance. It became all too predictable when he stumbled over his line “nothing is as it seems” one too many times. Pink also gave an entertaining performance with slightly more originality then the Sesame Street Brothers. T.I. might have been to most fun to watch of the evening. It’s hard to say anything bad about a man that looks that good. Too bad he had to share his spotlight with Rihanna’s second performance of the night.

To conclude an evening of absolute BS, they allowed Kobe to announce the video of the year. Perhaps if Phelps wore his bling to the show they would have allowed him to have the honors. Instead, MTV felt it best to let Kobe and his one . . . medal to announce the winner. Perhaps it was fitting after all since the award went to Brittany Spears. Hmmm . . . how much did she pay for that? I get it, she’s putting herself back together, she should be rewarded. Give her a cookie!

It’s clear that the 2008 MTV VMAs accomplished one thing. They proved that it doesn’t matter how much of a loser slacker you are, you can still shine like a star while torturing millions of Americans who tuned in.