No, I'm not sick. I just don't feel . . . attractive. I'm sure it's normal to feel this way after having a baby. But it would be out of character for me to be O.K. with that excuse. It's been almost 6 months since Izzy was born, and I'm really starting to hate my mushy middle, my clothes still don't fit and I'm dreading donning a bathing suit.
I've always been able to battle the weight by hitting up the gym, or running more. But now there's two new obstacles; 1) caring for Izzy and 2) breast feeding. Caring for Izzy is one of the highlights of my day after fighting through work projects. I want to spend every moment with her. Watching her giggle at Willow, seeing her slurp her cereal. I know pushing her in a stroller would count as exercise, but it doesn't yield the same quality time as tickling her tummy and dancing like a fool for her laughter does. And breast feeding is amazing and I'm so fortunate to be able to do it while working like a madwoman. But I'm ALWAYS hungry, and I'm fearful that if I don't eat enough my supply will deplete.
So how do I get my body back now? I suppose I have to start with the obvious. Eliminate the not-so-healthy but oh-so-yummy things from my diet. I tend to reward myself with treats (kind of like Willow) when I'm at work. It's as if having an oreo at 3pm somehow made the time spent away from Izzy bearable. Then there is the drinking on the weekend. No cause for alarm, I'm talking about one drink a night. But it's like watching your budget. If I saved $5 on every grocery trip for a month, I could buy a cute spring blouse. Saving 100 calories each weekend night (no beer) could lead to that blouse being a size small instead of a medium.
And now the part that I'm not sure of; working out. When will I find the time? How much can I do without it leading to eating more to keep up with the breastfeeding? I know 5:30 a.m. would work since it's just after Izzy's morning feeding, but how will I have enough energy to stay up, work out, and get through the rest of the day? And then what happens if I do too much and need to consume more calories to balance it out?
So here goes nothing. Today, I'm going to make three "resolutions."
1) No more sugary snacks.
2) No more alcohol, I did it for 9 months, shouldn't be that hard to do it for 1 month.
3) Stay up after Izzy's morning feeding and work out.
Hopefully commiting them to writing will somehow make me more accountable.
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