First birthday countdown and no party plans

How is it possible that an event planner by day is without birthday plans for her daughter's first birthday? I want to get this party just right, but I don't want to go overboard. How do I "keep it small" without leaving someone out? For Izzy's baptism we invited 80 people! And I don't know that we could have invited less. We stuck to our aunts, uncles and cousins (Izzy's great aunts/uncles) and our very close friends. Among those left off the list were work friends and Izzy's daycare provider.
Now it's time to celebrate her 1st birthday and I really don't know where to draw the line.
If I do a small party at home, we'll end up with roughly 30 people. If I invite aunts and uncles, we'll end up around 80 again and at a hall of some sort. We might be able to afford a party like that, but I don't know that I have the time to plan a proper celebration for 80. (I'm seriously starting to worry about how much this kid's wedding is going to cost.)
So back to having the party at home. Here are some ideas I've been mulling over:

• Apple/harvest theme: clean out the garage and open it up for activities like pumpkin decorating, and bobbing for apples


• Send the dogs to camp so we don't have to worry about Willow eating the cake


• Making the cake myself to save money and make it more personal (God bless anyone who dares to try my baking)


• Tailgating theme: outdoor cooking and set up outdoor furniture, really kind of tricky for Oct. 30, but it has some potential. Just not very kid like

As you can tell, I'm really in the brainstorming stage. I should whipped through this stage 2 months ago and should have a concrete action plan now. Not good. Here's to hoping I can come up with something by this weekend.

WHY AM I NOT RUNNING?

I can't seem to put my finger on it. I know I love running. I know I love the feeling I get after a great work out. I am finding time to myself when the baby is sleeping, or when the husband is home on a Sunday afternoon. So why amd I not running?
Is building up my strength just too overwhelming of a goal? Or maybe it's that I know I want to be pregnant again so why start something I can't see through to completion? Perhaps it's the idea that spending time on me is just too selfish. Or is it everything?
When I first started running in college, I wanted to complete one lap around the track. Then I dared to dream and wanted to run four laps, one full mile. Some may scoff at running just one mile, but I remember when that was a huge challenge for me. It took me four years until I was ready to enter a race and run a 5k. I feel like I'm back at that place. I'm at square one and wanting to run one lap, one mile, one 5k. Yet, maybe this isn't square one. I have the experience of doing it all before. I know so much more about my body and what I like to do that maybe this shouldn't be as daunting. I know that I love having a GPS on to track my progress. I know what tired vs. exhausted feels like. So maybe I shouldn't think of this as being overwhelming. I just need to do it.

Mixing dogs and paddle boarding

Who wouldn't love spending time with a curious energetic 10 month old? And I get so little time with her as it is, that it's a struggle to want "me" time. But there's someone else who's competing for my attention these days.
Willow, the three year old yellow lab has been stealing anything she can get her mouth or paws on. Counter surfing, pantry sneaking, she does it all. So I took an afternoon to spend with Willow and learn something new. We went to Downunder Kayak in Wesport so we could test out a stand up paddle board.
Now, the owner did warn me that I should probably learn how to use the paddle board on my own first. If I had a little more time, I gladly would have. And now that I've done it once, I'll definitely go back to do it on my own. What a peaceful way to workout, core engaged, arms digging into the water, gliding by egrets and beautiful scenery.
What wasn't so peaceful was a 90 lbs lab trying to paw her way back onto the board every 5 minutes. It made me so happy to see Willow swimming around the docks and visiting other kayakers. Every few minutes she'd swim over to me. I'd haul her on board, paddle out where I could stand up and she'd jump off. We went through this routine about a dozen times before I called it quits. It was more about her getting too tired to swim, then me not wanting to haul her on board.
Check out the video to see what I'm talking about.

Dance & Fitness Class Schedule - Westport - Studio 44 Dance & Fitness

Dance & Fitness Class Schedule - Westport - Studio 44 Dance & Fitness

I'm so happy to have found a new dance home. It's been 4 years since I've danced with such beautiful dancers and great teachers. There aren't many things that can get me to spend time away from Izzy, but this is great for me time.

My morning

Not that it was out of the ordinary, but I'm frustrated just enough to write about it. Hum flight of the bumblebee in your head while you read for dramatic effect.
4:20 a.m. Wake up to a crying child for the second time. Nurse her until she is quiet and can fall back to sleep.
4:45 a.m. Realize that the baby is not planning to fall asleep. Kick the dog out of bed and let the baby play between me and the hubs in an effort to get a few more Zs.
6:30 a.m Wake up later than planned next to the sleeping baby who looks too comfortable to be disturbed.
6:45 a.m. Start to pump. Baby wakes up, the hubs changes her diaper and gets her dressed for daycare.
7:15 a.m. Run through the shower while the baby cries in the pack & play.
7:45 a.m. Baby's in the car seat while I pack her lunch. Drop a jar of baby food on the tile floor that shatters. Grab the dogs rush them outside. Struggle with Willow to get her to stay outside. Run back to the kitchen clean the mess of glass and fruit gook. Vaccuum.
7:55 a.m. Dart out of the house to get Izzy to daycare.
8:10 a.m. Head back to the train station. Catch the local just so I can sit down for a bit.
8:55 a.m. Glad I took the local because it got in before the express. Even more glad that I'll make my 9 a.m. meeting in time.
9:00 a.m. Get email that meeting is canceled.

Really?

Value the win

Shame on me for spending so much time focusing on what to change next. Identifying the problems is helpful, but it shouldn't take up all my time. So it's time to celebrate the successes. There are two big things that come to mind. First, I got a promotion! I have been giving my job everything I've got for the past few years and it has paid off! I'm now a manager and I feel like I've found new confidence in my abilities. Of course it comes with challenges, but thats for another post. For now I'd like to pause and reflect on how rewarding it is. I finally feel like I'm on the same level with my colleagues, friends, even my husband.
The second success that I'd like to give myself a little credit for, I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I've been feeling better about myself, but it really stood out to me today when I put on one of my size 6 dresses and there was so much fabric puffed put over my smaller curves. I'd like to lose another 10lbs, but I'm really happy to be where I'm at 8 months after giving birth.

Finding mom friends

Being one of the older gals in my circles of friends, I've always lead the way on new adventures. I was the first one to get my license (and a car), first one to get married, and now first one to have a baby. All very incredible milestones and I was very much supported by some incredible people. But it's not always easy doing things first. I didn't have a friend to provide wisdom and guidance when I was failing to figure out a challenge. And now that I'm a new mom, I really could use the help.
I've been struggling to make mom friends, partly due to the fact that I love my friends and feel like I'm "cheating" on them in finding a new community. Another hinderance is my damn timidness. That's right, I'm down right shy. Put me in a big group and my voice gets lost in the chorus.
Case in point - I joined Mommy's Time Yoga, a yoga class for new moms and their babies. The first class was fantastic, my little Izzy slept for most of it, but it was a small group and I felt great speaking out when Linda - our yoga leader and pseudo den mother for pregnant women in our area - would ask the group questions. Not only did I participate, but I enjoyed it. I joyfully went to the next group class hoping for the same experience but was so turned off because the room was clogged with outgoing personalities. They're all wonderful people, but I couldn't compete. I dragged myself to the next one hoping to give it one more shot. This time I decided I would make every effort to make connections. And I did! One of the moms who I took prenatal yoga classes with sat right next to me. It was the first time I got to me her beautiful little girl. Things couldn't have gone better, and I even made facebook friends with a few of the women. Very encouraging.
So now I have to keep the ball rolling. Linda suggested we get a stroller club together. What a great idea, the sun is finally shining and what better way to spend a morning than walking with a group of women and their babies. It's times like these that I'm very thankful for facebook.