the beast on the fridge

Near the end of my first semester in college I came to terms with a 20 lbs weight gain. Determined to shed those pounds my second semester I hit the gym, ate next to nothing, and even posted a picture of a severly overweight woman on our dorm fridge.
I thought by staring obesity in the face, I would back away from the fridge. Leave it's contents alone. That a picture of someone struggling with a weight issue would remind me that I didn't want to become that way. More importantly I didn't want to look that way.
Hanging that picture was succesful in that I didn't touch the fridge. But the negative effects far out-weighed skipping snack time. I started to stay away from the dining hall. I chose to drink coffee or redbull instead of having lunch. I looked at people who had weight issues and pitied them. I couldn't see how detrimental demonizing a picture of an obese woman was for my outlook on weightloss.
When it came time to pack up my freshman dorm room, the picture of the woman was packed away in a box amongst other memories. Several years later, I came across that photo, and I was ashamed. I was ashamed back when I posted it because I thought I was the beast on the fridge. I thought my weight defined who I was. Now I am ashamed that I ever let those thoughts control me. Sure I still have my issues with food and weight, and I'll always be conscious of it. But I think it's grown to be a positive thing. I try to eat well, and work out smart. In a few months I'll attempt my first half marathon. Hopefully I'll have pictures from that to post on the fridge.