38 weeks

Just like many other pregnant women, my eyes have been glued to the calendar. For several weeks now I have been counting down to the big due date. August 2 is the date that I've highlighted in red circles on every calendar I own. The calendar in my office, that's nearly as large as my white board has DUE DATE emblazoned on August 2 so no one misses it. Now that I’m just 14 days away, my electronic calendars notify me daily that I’m one day closer to “The Big Day.” All this preparation for a day that is just an estimate. I’ve heard all sorts of statistics, 10% give birth on their due date, 50% give birth after, 30% of babies come before their due date. The numbers never seem to add up, but it does add to the fact that the estimated due date should be considered more of a time frame to be on alert than the date you will have your baby.

With my first pregnancy, I was on watch from a week before due date up until 9 days after due date when I was induced. With each passing day I grew more anxious, and more frustrated that my body wasn’t complying with the date issued by the doctor. Going through this a second time, however, has changed my outlook quite a bit. I’m not expecting baby to come on August 2, I’m not expecting that he’ll be early, or late. All I want is for him to come when he’s ready and for him to be healthy. Now, will I get frustrated if I’m late? Probably. I don’t want to deal with the doctor telling me he’s huge and I have to be induced. Will I freak out if he’s early and I’m not prepared? Probably. But with the knowledge that there is no way to predict his arrival (other than medical intervention) I just have to hang in there.

It’s different for me this time around. With Izzy I didn’t try any of the natural induction methods until I was overdue. I didn’t want to go walking for fear that she’d show up before she was supposed to. I didn’t want to complain about fatigue and aches because I thought I wasn’t showing my appreciation for the gift that would soon arrive. Conversely, I remember wanting everything 100% ready for her arrival. Her bedroom even had paintings on the walls courtesy of yours truly. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate this little guy, but I feel as though all the preparation became a mental block for me. If I wasn’t done with negotiating a contract at work (final contract signed two days before induction with Izzy) then I wasn’t ready to give birth. This time I want to be ready for the obstacles and challenges that need preparation, but I don’t want to put birth on hold while I make everything perfect. I’m sure it sounds a little silly, especially when it’s not up to be when he arrives, but I’m trying my hardest to accept that he’ll be here whenever. He’ll make his appearance regardless if Izzy’s toys are still sitting in his pack and play, or if I haven’t packed my hospital bag. Maybe he’ll be here August 2 even. All that matters to me is that he will be healthy.