Monday, July 2, 2012

Am I Overbearing?

We had an absolutely blissful week of vacation in Biddeford Maine. It's one of my favorite places in the world and for the second time I got to enjoy it from a whole new perspective. I watched in amazement as Izzy discovered the beach and the ocean, the rocks and the seaweed. We went up last year, but now that Izzy is super mobile, it was a brand new experience.
I caught a few moments here and there on my iPhone. Viewing the video brings back the excitement and wonder as I hit play over and over. After viewing one of the many videos for probably the millionth time I caught something. On three or four separate occasions you hear my voice warning Izzy to be careful about what she was doing. My fear was that she would fall and get hurt, but there were several times where you hear me calling out to her, cautioning her to "Go Slow!", "Easy!" "Be Careful!". I only noticed it because there's also a clip of my aunt following up my cautionary statements with, "Oh come on, it's a beach."
She's right. It was a beach and my over cautious, borderline over bearing,  frantic warnings weren't making for a more enjoyable experience for anyone. Part of me wants to blame pregnancy hormones for my anxiety and constant direction to Izzy. (Seriously, I'm starting to think I've been touched by the crazy preggo fairies. I had to sit behind my husband while he drove to Maine so I didn't drive him crazy.)
But really I know it's part of my personality. I've always been super cautious, and now I'm scarred from the seeing Izzy get a few bumps or bruises along the way. With laser like focus I hone in on any obstacle that could be in her way, adeptly moving it from her path or guiding her around it. I see scraped knees from hidden rocks and sea glass when most people see a beach. I see choking hazards, when others think wouldn't it be nice to give Izzy this tiny piece of candy. Yes, it's part of my job to protect her, and to watch out for her. But when does it become over protective and over bearing?
For me the video is proof that I need to "relax" as my super mellow husband would say. At first I was upset that I ruined these precious moments on camera by picking on myself and looking at the negative. Now I'm glad that I noticed because I can be cognizant that I go a little overboard, and hopefully reign it in. The videos can still bring the same amount of joy, watching Izzy with an ear to ear grin as she dances in the sand and splashes in the ocean can't be altered. And noting that I need to tone it down is kind of a gift.

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