Since it’s my blog, I make no apologies for focusing on my adventures or learnings in every post. But I think it would be good to switch things up for a bit. It’s time to recognize the sacrifices my husband makes on a daily basis to provide for his family.
What I do apologize for is always thinking he’s got it easier. Truthfully it shouldn’t be a comparison, who works harder or who gives up more. Joe and I are a team and it’s important to demonstrate how much you appreciate your partner. So Joe, this one is for you.
My husband starts his day checking his work email on his iPhone. After dropping Izzy off at day care he spends nearly 90 minutes in my tiny Mazda 3 stuck in two lanes of endless traffic. (I get to drive his gas-guzzling jeep because I commute 2 minutes to the train station.) This super bright individual then spends his day managing exhausted employees and arguing with an anything but acquiescent client over regulations and fees. Most days he can grab lunch at his desk for a few minutes, but there are days where he notices his uneaten salad still sitting on the corner of his desk at 4pm. When the client is checking out around 5pm, he knows he has another hour or so before he can start the slog through another 90 minutes of traffic. Oh and the entertainment for that ride home? It typically consists of a unneccessarily long conversation with his boss, whom he just left, to about work papers that need to be cleaned up for the morning.
There are many nights where he calls me long after the time he should have left the office. On the brink of exhaustion he tells me he isn’t going to make it home in time to kiss Izzy goodnight. I used to take his flat tone, devoid of energy, to mean he was focused on work and didn’t much care. Now I realize that he’s doing whatever he can to muscle through and not let the tears well up. It’s not OK for guys to cry. The days he does make it home in time to see our daughter play or laugh or smile at him are really special. I can see the glow in his gorgeous smile that tells me he's truly happy. Usually at that point I've gotten to spend two hours with Izzy which isn't enough for me. What I take for granted is that he doesn't even have those special moments. He doesn't get to wrap his arms around her and give her a big squeeze after a long day away from her. He misses watching her fling spinach leaves at Willow with an uproar of laughter. He doesn't get to see how she closes the back door with her bum because she's got the dog's food dish in her hands. I'm sure it breaks his heart, and I feel bad for pointing out that he's missing those things. But he pushes through day after day without complaint.
When I hear the garage door creaking open and see the taillights from compact car I know Joe’s workday isn’t over. He plods through the door, laptop in tow, only to have a quick bite to eat before opening up the computer and settling in for a few more hours of catch up work. Again, he moves seamlessly from work to dinner to more work without complaint. I could have made a terrible dinner, or subject him to questionable leftovers and contently gobbles it down. We have a few moments of conversation, but we usually don’t catch up until the weekend. Often conversations in our home will start with, “You didn’t tell me that.” Or, “I didn’t know about this.” No one is to blame; we just don’t have time to tell each other everything we have going on. And we also don’t have the brain power to remember everything we need to tell each other.
I don’t envy Joe. He makes HUGE sacrifices to be able to provide for us, and I don’t recognize it often enough. There’s more to it than sacrifices alone. Joe is always willing to listen to me vent. He’s understanding of my challenges and tries to pitch in with housework when he is home. And there is one thing I always feel, loved. I can't tell you how amazing I feel knowing that I get to be married to Joe. It takes more than a worker bee and a primary care giver to make a family work. I’m really proud of my partner and I really respect him for all that he does.
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