Synonyms for neurotic include: anxious, fearful, fixated, irrational, hung-up and obsessed. Most of the words describe me pretty well when it comes to raising Izzy. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right? Well, here's where I explain why being anxious about her influences, fixated on her diet and obsessed with the childcare she receives may not be all that bad.
I find it APPAULING that there is still such a discrepancy in gender roles in children's television. In my college media course we were asked to survey television shows and produce a paper theorizing commonalities in mass media. I watched 15 different children’s shows, and many episodes of each, and there were two themes that were shockingly apparent. 1) Male characters were almost always the lead character and possessed unmatched intelligence while their female cohorts were “along for the ride.” 2) When the show was an all female cast they donned skimpy outfits that leads only to objectification of women. Since then it’s been in the back of my mind that when I have children not only would I limit the amount of TV they watch, but also the types of shows they watch, the books they read and the toys they play with. Now that I have a little girl I’m more fearful that these negative influences will undermine her self-esteem and passion. I know I can’t protect her from every influence out there, hell I’m already switching radio stations because it’s acceptable to say ass in a song. But what I’m unsure of is how far should I take my concerns? My mother in law bought Izzy a princess coloring book for Easter. There’s a bug-eyed beauty page after page. I’ve only once voiced my concern that these characters don’t wear enough clothing. I haven’t given her my spiel about the women looking like they work as escorts or being super dependent on men to save them. So what do I do?
Next, and pretty high on my “makes me sound like a loon” list is the food we all consume. Forget the processed foods and crap that can sit on your shelf for 30 years, survive nuclear war, and still be consumable. I don’t touch it and neither will Izzy. It’s the seemingly less harmful things that she can imbibe on a day to day basis. First up, that delicious white stuff that is used to make the yummiest ice cold treat out there, milk. Or as Izzy calls it kkkk. I choose to give Izzy organic milk. It’s really important to me that there are no hormones or antibiotics in something that makes up the majority of her liquid intake. The woman who runs the daycare thinks I’m batty. My response? If it were such a crazy idea, why is it readily available in the grocery store? And why are so many articles now proclaiming the evils of antibiotics and hormones in our food? Next up, consider juice. Harmless right? Why should I give her sugar flavored water that lacks nutrients? It’s a totally different story if the juice is actually from fruit, and doesn’t have additives. But even then, she should get the real thing first. Every time I see “FJ” on her daycare report I cringe. Even after I asked them not to give my daughter fruit juice they still do. “But she likes it.” Of course she does, sugar is like crack to an 18 month old! So I remain ever vigilant about giving Izzy non-contaminated drinks. I could write a novel about food, so perhaps I’ll save that for a future post.
And the last thing I mentioned being obsessed with is Izzy’s care. (Warning, I’m keeping it to my top three because I don’t want to lose my readers. Trust me, I’m neurotic about plenty of things.) I don’t think it’s uncommon for a parent to think about their child during the work day. I think plenty of parents wonder if their child is getting the best care, or is being treated fairly all the day long. What could be out of the ordinary is that there are days were it pervades my every thought, every moment of the day. Once she’s safely dropped off I worry about her crying, and is her care taker responding sympathetically or just “toughening her up” by abrasively switching gears. Does her care taker knit-pick her every move shaking her self-esteem and confidence? Or does her care taker let her stomp around oblivious to destruction or danger that my little baby can get into? Is the care taker at all aware of child development stages and how important our reactions are to them? I probably ask myself more questions about what people are doing with my child all day long than an interrogator querying a criminal. Sure, part of it is guilt driven. I want to be with her and think she would be better off with her mom all day. But the other part of it is that I don’t know what she’s learning or experiencing at this age. She can’t tell me what’s happening. There are plenty of secondary concerns like is she bonding with them better than she bonds with me? But what it all comes down to is I have learned to keep my mind very busy with work, and put faith in God that everything is turning out the way it should. Sure Sunday night and Monday morning have turned into a habitual tear fest, but at least I’m productive during the day.
So perhaps the fears I’ve mentioned, coupled with the ones I haven’t, make me neurotic. Or do they just make me a parent? My OBGYN told me that I’ll have to face this fear, and ones just like it from here on out. He has three children so he speaks from experience when he says having faith in God is the only way to ease the anxiety and fearfulness.
No comments:
Post a Comment